


Infinity On High

by awkwardblogger



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ben Braeden is Dean Winchester's Son, Best Friends, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury & Sam Winchester Friendship, Charlie Ships It, Childhood Trauma, Daddy Dean, Dean Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Doctor Sam Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ex-Military Dean, Falling In Love, Gay Sam Winchester, Geeky, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mental Institutions, No Hunting, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Post-Divorce, Raised Apart, Sam does not get infected with demon blood, Scared Dean, Sibling Incest, attempted suicide, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-08 22:29:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5515610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardblogger/pseuds/awkwardblogger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mary Winchester found out what Azazel's plan for her youngest was, so she faked a miscarriage and abandoned Sam to be raised in safety from Azazel. In anger, Azazel kills Mary in front of both Dean and John, leaving the family broken. Years later, Sam, raised Sam Bradbury, is a new doctor at Cicero Mental Hospital and has been assigned ex-marine Dean Winchester's case. The ex-marine refuses to leave his room for the most part and has one of the worst cases of post traumatic stress disorder Sam has ever seen. Sam begins to bond with his patient, who's only goal is to get healthy enough to be a good father to his son, and finds himself falling for the man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Valley Of Death

**MAY 1 ST 1983**

Mary Winchester was in her own personal hell. Contractions raked over her body, but her brain screamed with the knowledge it held. Less than a month ago, she met another person who made a deal with a yellow eyed demon, and in return, it did something to his baby and killed his wife. She discovered that the demon pried on the youngest child the year it was set to collect its half of the deal, and she knew she could not keep the baby that was now begging to be freed from her womb. As a particularly bad contraction hit, Mary threw her head back and let out a cry of pain.

“Mrs. Winchester, are you sure I shouldn’t call your husband?” A nurse asked for the tenth time.

“Thank you, but no thank you. I can do this.” Mary panted, trying to catch her breath before the next contraction took over.

What Mary wasn’t saying is that John isn’t to know that this baby will be born. Once she learned the fate that demon had planned for her youngest, she knew the baby would be safest away from her. It was nearing mid-night and Mary had been at it for hours, so glad that she went into labor while John had taken Dean on a father and son trip to a children’s amusement park two states away and wouldn’t be home till the third. By the time John and Dean would get home, Mary would no longer be pregnant and the baby would have a new family.

At 2:31 AM on Mary 2nd, 1983 Mary gave birth to Samuel Michael Winchester. Sam was beautiful and healthy as could be; Mary knew a family would snatch him up soon.

“Ma’am, did you just say you want to sign away your parental rights?” The doctor asked, flabbergasted.

“Yes, I did. I can’t take care of him, I know there is a family out there who will be able to take care of him.” Mary said sadly.

And with that, she signed away her parental rights and took a cab home. She rested up while John and Dean were away, and fed her husband the lie of a stillborn when he came home.

“H-he was dead wh-when he was born!” Mary sobbed into John’s shoulder.

She felt ill with guilt as her husband cried himself sick, but she knew that the truth would hurt everyone more than her lie. Mary told John she didn’t want to think about that baby she had lost, because it wasn’t fair to Dean and threw herself into parenting. Mary was surprised by just how painful it had been for her to lie to Dean and say that the baby died.

Dean, at age four, didn’t really understand death, but he knew it meant that someone is taken away from you and never comes back and that was enough to make Dean really upset. Dean cried into his mother’s arms when he found out and Mary was reminded of just how excited her son had been to be a big brother. The more time past, the guiltier Mary felt for lying to her family, but she knew that she was protecting them and the truth was too painful for them.

As for Sam, one day after his mother signed away her parental rights, Gertrude and Jonathan Middleton saw Sam lying in the maternity ward while visiting a friend in the hospital. They were confused by the baby’s lack of last name on his information sheet and asked the nurses, only to find out that baby’s mother had abandoned him.

“Oh Jon, I just can’t leave him.” Gertrude whispered to her husband, staring longingly at the baby.

The couple had started trying for a baby two months ago with no luck so far, and seeing a baby with no home waiting for him made Gertrude’s maternal instinct pounce. She needed this baby. By the end of the day, the papers were signed and Sam was coming home with them. After three months, the adoption papers were finalized and Samuel Michael Winchester had become Samuel Jonathan Middleton. Sam was a happy baby, getting all the love and attention an infant could ask for from his adopted parents who’d give him the moon if they thought he wanted it.

The night Sam turned six months old, Gertrude and Jonathan celebrated with Champaign once Sam was down for the night.

“We did it, Gert, we’ve had him for three months. He’s been our son for officially three months.” Jonathan Middleton sighed happily.

They toasted to their success so far, sipping their Champaign happily, unaware that a demon was on the lookout for Sam. Azazel had realized that little Sammy Winchester was not in with the Winchester’s on November 1st, 1983 when he broke into the house to drip his blood into the baby’s mouth. He searched everywhere looking for the baby, he made sure Mary got pregnant this year so that he’d have an infant to offer his father, but the baby was gone. He knew he had to teach the entire Winchester family what happens when you trick a demon, when you don’t hold up to your end of the bargain with a demon as powerful as him.

On the morning of November 2nd 1983, Mary Winchester was reading her newspaper contently as her son napped on the floor next to her and her husband watched an old basketball game intently. Sports never meant much to Mary, but she knew how to pretend she cared for her husband’s sake, after years of marriage, it was one of the few things she’s sure she’ll always be able to fake. As Mary read an article on political debates, she felt her lungs stop working. Mary’s eyes bulged in panic as she gasped loudly, trying to breath and failing. Her arms flailed as she gaped like a fish out of water.

Then, she saw him, Azazel, watching her die slowly as if it was the funniest thing to ever happen. He made sure no one else could see him but Mary as he refused to let her lungs work. John began hitting Mary on the back, thinking she’s chocking. John desperately tried to give his wife the hemlock maneuver as her lips began to tint blue. Mary Winchester died in her husband’s arms as the demon grinned evilly, invisible to the family.

“Mary!” John cried as he realized his wife was dead.

Dean woke with a start and when he saw his dead mother in his father’s arms, blue and pale, he began to cry horridly. John scooped up his son and chocked in horror at his wife’s dead body. Little did John know that the whole thing could have been avoided, or so Azazel would have claimed.


	2. The Hands Of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time begins to pass and life goes on.

When Sam was two years old, he became the big brother to a tiny redheaded little girl named Celeste. The Middleton’s had been scared at first about how their children would interact, but when Celeste was put in Sam’s tiny arms, it was clear he adored his baby sister.

“Look at them, Jonathan, he loves her.” Gertrude gushed.

“Of course he does, she’s part you.” Jonathan had cooed, the sap that he is.

For the first two weeks of Celeste’s life, she was always looked over by her big brother, until he had to go to daycare. 

After the death of Mary, John couldn’t stay in Kansas. The doctor’s had ruled the death tragic but accidental and John believed it; but the memories of his wife were unescapable in that house, so the father and son moved to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. By the time Dean was six, had developed anxiety disorders up the wazoo, which astonished the teachers and parents in Sioux Falls.

“I don’t understand, how does a six year old have anxiety disorders?” A mother, Jane Upheard, had gossiped to another mother.

“Who knows. I mean, they rolled up into town with no woman in the picture and the family’s so secluded, John could be abusing his boy.” Some had gossiped.

But John never laid a hand on his son, in fact, John didn’t do much of anything most of the time. After they moved into the small town, John got a job at Singer’s Salvage Yard, but with work and being a single father to a child with psychiatric issues, John didn’t do much besides work and parent. Dean’s therapist, however, had no problem explaining Dean’s mental health issues.

“Dean lost his mother at a very young and fragile age and he’s by himself a lot because of your work, Mr. Winchester.” She would begin to explain. “He remembers things about his mother’s death that adults don’t think about and is afraid that you will die too, meaning things that he remembers about the days before and after his mother’s death make him anxious. Sometimes things that have nothing to do with the loss of Mary makes him anxious because it makes him feel weak and small.”

To John, it still didn’t make much sense, but if it was enough for the doctor, it was enough for John. The doctor was not wrong about six year old Dean being home alone a lot more than the average child. John’s a widower, and he works long hours at Singer’s Salvage Yard to afford to take care of Dean and everything he and his son will need. Bobby Singer, the owner of the salvage yard, had a soft spot for Dean, though. Dean liked cars and soaked up information the way a sponge did water, making the little squirt endearing to Bobby.

“How come that boy doesn’t got any friends?” Bobby asked John one day.

“Huh?” John questioned.

“John, he’s six and he rarely interacts with kids his own age outside of school. Why doesn’t Dean have any friends?” Bobby demanded.

“I guess socializing isn’t his thing, Bobby.” John sighed. “Look, I know I’m no parent of the year, but I don’t like the idea of pushing Dean to do something he doesn’t wanna. I’m trying to be accepting and loving like all my parenting books tell me to be and it aint easy Bobby.”

“Hey man, I’m not knocking your parents skills, I just don’t get why a kid as smart and charming as yours doesn’t have friends.” Bobby said, putting his hands up in surrender.

“I really don’t know, Bobby.” John admitted. “He used to be so social with kids his age, man, you wouldn’t have believed it. Before Mary passed he was a social butterfly if I ever seen one. But then she died and everything… changed. All the changes were so fast Bobby, Dean went back to wetting the bed and he developed separation anxiety, he just got over that one. He only plays outside if he’s playing on his own, but back in Kansas he’d play with anyone and everyone. I thought for sure he’d be a baseball player, he loved that damn sport.

“My little man, he wasn’t like this. He’s not a people person anymore and everything seems to scare him, Bobby. I’m trying my best to take care of him, but it’s not easy. I didn’t realize how much I relied on Mary until she died.”

“I know what you mean. When Karen died, I realized how much she did around the house. She did all of the cooking, most of the cleaning, and kept the nosy neighbors away; and then suddenly it was up to be to do that. I can’t imagine what it would be like to take on all these new rolls with a child, but John, you can’t make excuses.” Bobby said.

Bobby, however, didn’t tell John how he had lost Karen. Karen had been possessed by a demon, and in a desperate attempt to stop the crazy and in a moment of fear, he stabbed Karen. He was horrified by his own actions, but what had scared him more is how it hadn’t slowed her down a bit. Luckily, his now good friend Rufus Turner had burst into the house and exercised Karen before the demon could kill Bobby. Bobby took up monster hunting after that, but he wasn’t about to tell John, a civilian, any of that.

“I-I’m not making excuses!” John protested weakly.

Bobby raised an eyebrow accusingly and John sighed.

“Okay, so maybe a little. But I’m not trying to, I just am.” John admitted.

Three years after the conversation, Dean had started to act more like a normal kid. He had friends and began playing little league baseball, and he was pretty good at the game. Dean’s teacher’s said he was very bright and school was a breeze for Dean, but his anxiety didn’t waver. At age nine, Dean stood taller than he did when Bobby met him and the young child had more confidence than he used to. John had just started to date again and was dating a woman named Kate Milligan, much to Dean’s shock and discomfort. In another state, five year old Sam was best friends with his baby sister, Celeste. Sam did amazingly well in school and was great with words, something neither of the Middleton’s were. It was a Tuesday night and Sam working hard on his connect the dots homework sheet.

“Jonathan, look at him.” Gertrude commanded her husband, cooing at their son.

Sitting at the kitchen table was Sam, working intently, with his little tongue poking out between his lips as he worked hard. Celeste was next to Sam, coloring a page from her pony coloring book as Sam connected the dots.

“They’re beautiful little boogers.” Jonathan told his wife affectionately.

“Of course they are, they’re our babies.” Gertrude beamed, flushing with pride as she looked at her two children.

The two kids worked with their pencils and colored pencils as if there wasn’t a distraction in the world that could tear their eyes from their busy ‘work’.

“We must be doing something right to have two kids as perfect as them.” Jonathan said softly to his wife.

Gertrude sighed happily in agreement as they watched the kids.


	3. What doesn't kill you puts you in therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's life takes a turn for the ugly

Eleven year old Dean stared down at the bundle in his father’s arms with the most emotionless face John had ever seen a child muster. John’s girlfriend, Kate Milligan, had given birth to her and John’s son, Adam, making Dean a big brother. Dean was still unaware that he had a seven year old brother living with the Middletons and was adjusting to the idea of their being another kid in the house.

Dean never did get used to Kate, something all of the doctors had sworn up and down would happen eventually. To those who weren’t well aware of how the Winchesters are, they’d probably think Dean wasn’t warming up to Kate simply because his doctors said he would, but both Bobby and John knew that’s not the type of kid Dean is. Dean was trying to get used to Kate and the woman was trying to be as accepting and warm as possible; but the two did not adjust to each other.

“Dean-o, don’t you wanna hold your brother?” John asked, offering the week old infant to Dean.

Dean took a giant step back and hid his arms behind his back. “No thanks.”

Kate had been standing at the doorway, watching her boyfriend rock their beautiful baby when Dean reacted the way he had. Kate had always had very little patience for Dean’s lack of interest in her, but she appeared to take his lack of interest in Adam personal.

“Why not? It’s not like he’s gonna hurt you!” Kate pointed out angrily.

Dean jumped a little at the sound of Kate’s angry voice. Kate’s eyes were set into “death glare” mode and Dean wasn’t interested in dealing with it.

“I know he’s not gonna hurt me, I just don’t wanna hold him.” Dean told his dad’s girlfriend.

“He’s your **brother**! You cannot treat your own brother like he’s got the black plague. **Hold him**.” Kate snarled as she barked out commands.

As Dean’s anxiety got better, his coping skills got better and he had more things to use to try to keep himself grounded. Dean tried his best to stay himself, but something about baby Adam made Dean very uncomfortable.

“That’s really okay.” Dean said through grit teeth.

Instead of backing away or agreeing, Kate snatched up her son from John’s lap and held out Adam to Dean who took another defiant step back.

“Kate, stop!” John cried as Kate shoved her son into Dean’s arms.

Dean froze in seconds, and John had to snatch up Adam before the infant slipped from his big brother’s arms. Dean was shaking like a leaf even after Adam wasn’t in his arms anymore, but his shaking only got worse when Kate began to shout at John.

“What the fuck John? Why are you letting him act like a spoiled little brat?!” Kate demanded, gesturing to Dean who was reminding John of a wild animal ready to bolt.

“He’s not used to babies, Kate, you can’t force Adam on him. He just needs time.” John said softly, thinking about what had happened the last time Dean had come close to being a big brother.

“You can’t baby him all the time, John! He’s **eleven** , it’s time for him to grow up!” Kate snapped at her boyfriend.

John put Adam down in his crib and called for Kate to follow him out of the room, where they argued loudly for almost an hour. As the shouts and anger flew across the hallway, Dean stared down at his baby brother and hesitantly began to stroke baby Adam’s cheek.

“I guess you aren’t so bad.” Dean said softly.

Adam just stared blankly up at his big brother and Dean smiled softly down at the infant. As Kate and John screamed at each other in the hallway, Dean gently picked up Adam and held his baby brother for the first time.

In California, Sam was standing proudly in front of the whole school as he accepted an award for winning the second grade spelling bee. He had studied all week with his parents and little sister and nearly wet himself in excitement when he won. Much to his parents’ pride, Sam was incredibly smart and loved to learn just as much as his little sister, Celeste. 

The Middleton family was near perfect with two smart, happy kids and loving, happily married parents. People clapped politely as the winners of each grade’s spelling bee was announced and Sam beamed happily when he saw his parents jumping up and down in excitement for him in the crowd. Celeste was cheering from her spot in the crowd as well and Sam was grinning proudly. That night, Sam was treated with his favorite dinner and ice cream for dessert.

Kate and John’s relationship began to crumble around the time Adam turned eight months old. Adam was very fond of his big brother, who was fond of him as well, but Kate’s issues with Dean appeared to be never ending. Dean’s anxiety problems were getting better and he was making huge improvements, but she put everything Dean did under a microscope and would tear every improvement Dean made apart. For John, he finally had enough when Dean, having just turned twelve only months before, tried to hang himself after a particularly awful dinner where Kate had made Dean feel awful for all his improvements.

John would never forget finding Dean hanging from his ceiling fan and screaming for Kate to call 9-1-1. John had cut Dean down by the time paramedics arrived, but when they found John and Dean, the paramedics noticed John was staring at a bruise on Dean’s ribs. The paramedics rushed Dean off to the hospital, but John was eerily quiet as Kate and John followed the ambulance to the hospital.

“How did Dean get those bruises on his ribs?” John demanded.

“What bruises?” Kate asked, but her voice was all wrong, too high pitched; she sounded panicked.

“Don’t lie to me!” John roared. “How did he get those bruises?!”

“I don’t know!” Kate squeaked, but she wouldn’t meet John’s eyes.

“Did you touch my boy? **DID YOU TOUCH MY SON?! ANSWER ME**!” John snarled.

Kate screamed and baby Adam began to cry, but Kate didn’t answer him. When they arrived at the hospital Dean had been stabilized and John as brought in to see Dean without Kate.

“Dean, I’m going to ask you something and I need you to answer me honestly.” John began.

Dean stiffened at his dad’s words and his heart rate spiked.

“Did Kate hurt you?” John asked as softly as he could manage.

The doctors had to peel John away as Dean cried, his heart rate going crazy and all Dean could do was nod. Once Dean had started to calm down, John told the doctors what he had said to upset Dean and how Dean had reacted. The hospital’s psychologist came in and spoke to Dean and came out sickly pale.

“Doc, what did she do to him?” John demanded, feeling sick.

“Mr. Winchester, from what Dean has told me, your girlfriend has been physically and sexually abusing your son for almost three months. He couldn’t take it anymore, and this is what he tried to do to correct the situation.”  The psychologist told him.

The police were called and Kate was taken away that day, leaving John with two boys and no partner.

The day Dean came home from the hospital, the boys were brought to work with John and Bobby was waiting for them with a big box of store bought cookies.

“Hey Bobby, thanks for letting me bring the boys to work.” John thanked is employer/friend.

“It’s not a problem; you know how much I love your boys.” Bobby shrugged it off.

The truth was, Bobby was hoping to get to talk to Dean about how he’s feeling. There’s no way what he’s going through can be easy to deal with.

“I really don’t want to get into it.” Dean whispered when Bobby told the boy he knew.

“That’s alright, son. That’s alright.” Bobby told him.


	4. Fuck you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth has a funny way of coming out

At age ten Sam learned that his life was boring. There was nothing interesting about Sam’s life, not the way some of Sam’s friends’ lives were. For instance, Sam’s friend James had been outside of the country, Sam’s friend Mark had gone bungee jumping, Sam’s friend Chrissy helped build houses in Africa last summer and Sam’s teacher, Mrs. Engeltin, had adopted her kids from third world countries. Sam didn’t have cool stories like his friends because the Middletons were a boring family.

One day, Sam came home and complained that their family was too boring.

“We never do anything cool! It’s not fair!” Sam whined to his mother.

“Sammy, just because we haven’t left the country or built houses or done dangerous stunts doesn’t mean we aren’t happy.” Gertrude reminded her son.

“But we’ve never done anything interesting!” Sam groaned.

“For us, adoption was an adventure enough.” Gertrude said firmly.

“Adoption?” Sam asked.

And that’s how Sam found out he had been adopted. Gertrude sat him down and told Sam how he had been abandoned at the hospital by his birth mother because she could not take care of him and how Gertrude and Jonathan saw him at the hospital and fell in love. Gertrude hoped finding out he was adopted would stop Sam from whining about their family being boring, but Sam didn’t react well to the news.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Sam demanded angrily.

“Because it never came up before and it never mattered. You’re our son and we love you.” Gertrude told him, smoothing Sam’s hair.

Sam bat his mother’s hand away and glared at her through teary eyes.

“You lied to me!” He accused.

“Samuel Jonathan Middleton, I’ve never lied to you!” Gertrude snapped.

“You never told me, and that’s not truthful!” Sam argued.

Celeste had come home from school to see her big brother and mother yelling and arguing in the kitchen. In a panic, she called her dad and Jonathan Middleton came home to see his wife and son at each other’s throats.

“Wow, what is happening here?” Jonathan demanded.

“You two lied to me!” Sam roared, taking Jonathan aback.

“What?” Jonathan asked.

“I told him he’s adopted.” Gertrude explained, her voice tired.

“Oh Sammy, that’s not lying.” Jonathan sighed.

“Screw you, it’s not up to you if it’s lying or not!” Sam growled and ran to his room.

In Sioux Falls, it was visiting day at the women’s prison and Kate was hoping John would stop by with Adam. She received a ten year sentence in Sioux Falls Women’s Prison for her abuse to Dean and John made it clear she would never have custody over Adam when she got out. Over the three years, Kate had only seen her son once since her arrest and it didn’t end well for her. She tried to hug Adam and John nearly smacked her in fear she’d repeat how she treated Dean.

Even though Kate would wait for hours hoping John would come with Adam, he wouldn’t. It was a school day and a work day. Adam excelled in pre-school and Dean was doing amazing in High School. Now fourteen, Dean’s anxiety was close to non-existent and his interest in girls was no slowed by his history of abuse, something his therapist had warned John might happen. A new girl had moved into town from Ohio and her name was Lisa Braedon.

Lisa was everything Dean looked for in a girl: funny, smart, athletic and pretty. Lisa played on the JV Softball team and JV Volleyball team while Dean played for the JV baseball team. John had been so relieved when Dean came home and told John about the beautiful new girl in school named Lisa, for he had been afraid that the abuse would consume his son’s life. For a month Dean had been crushing on the girl from Ohio already and John found it funny and cute to see his son all jittery about a girl.

“So your daddy tells me you’ve got a crush.” Bobby said one afternoon as Dean helped around the yard.

“She’s amazing.” Dean sighed happily, making Bobby snort.

“Way to be a cliché, boy.” Bobby teased.

“Hey! It’s not my fault she’s perfect!” Dean defended himself, poorly.

“Dean, you’re actin’ like a love sick puppy.” Bobby laughed.

Dean stuck his tongue out at his “uncle” light heartedly before going back to work on the car. Dean was very talented with cars and Bobby sincerely hoped he stuck with it. Dean would make a very good mechanic.

A week had passed since Sam learned of his adoption and his feelings towards it had yet to get pleasant.

“Samuel, stop sulking.” Gertrude commanded during dinner.

“You’re not my mom, you can’t tell me what to do.” Sam sneered.

“Sam!” Jonathan snapped, slamming his hand down on the kitchen table. “That is enough young man! We’ve had you since you were an infant and we love you like you’re our own flesh and blood. We get that you are upset we didn’t tell you earlier, but it didn’t matter to us. You are acting foolish and selfish and you are upsetting the whole family. It is past time you clean up your act.”

Sam opened his mouth to retaliate, but stopped when he heard a pathetic sniffle. He turned to see Celeste in tears, leaning against Gertrude, looking very upset.

“Why are you being so mean, Sammy?” Celeste whimpered.

“Celeste, they lied to me. I’m not really your brother.” Sam tried to explain.

Instead of making the eight year old understand, Sam made the eight year old cry. Celeste burst into loud, obnoxious tears. Celeste’s whole body shook as she cried.

“Y-y-you’re not my b-b-br-brother?” Celeste demanded through gross tears.

Both of his parents shot Sam a disappointed and angry glare as their daughter cried.

“Not by blood. We aren’t related.” Sam tried again.

“You don’t love me?” Celeste sniffled.

“ **NO**! Stop twisting my words, I didn’t say that!” Sam yelled angrily.

Celeste’s tears acted up worse and Sam’s bad temper reached out and bit everybody.

“Shut up!” He snarled. “You won’t let me talk and you’re being a baby!”

“Samuel, go to your room!” Gertrude commanded, collecting Celeste into her arms.

Sam glared at his mother and she saw him mouth the words “you always choose her” before storming away. Jonathan sighed and followed Sam to his room, leaving Gertrude to explain to Celeste and calm her.

“Celeste, what Sammy was trying to tell you is that Sammy has a different mommy and daddy than you. Other people made Sammy but me and Daddy took over taking care of him and adopted him before making you. Sammy loves you very much, but you were making Sammy very frustrated, Celeste.” Gertrude explained in a soft voice.

“He was being mean.” Celeste whined.

“I suppose he was.” Gertrude emphasized with her daughter, but she also understood where her son stood.

She was closer with Celeste than Sam and she supposed he could chalk that up to her caring more about Celeste do to the blood relation and though it made her sad that her son would think like that, she supposed she’d have felt the same if it were her. At age eight, Celeste acted closer to five than ten and it was very frustrating for Sam who was beginning to enter puberty and was dealing with more angst than the household was used to.

Upstairs, Sam was crying angry and frustrated tears in Jonathan’s arms.

“I hate her sometimes! Mom always acts like Celeste is so much better than me! It’s probably because Celeste is your **real** kid and not me.” Sam seethed.

“Sammy, that isn’t the case.” Jonathan sighed.

“I don’t care! Stop acting like stupid Celeste is better than me!” Sam growled. “If you really cared, you’d treat us equal. Celeste needs to stop being a stupid, dummy baby and grow up!”


	5. A Series of Uncomfortable Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's life takes a step up and Sam's takes a step down

Not long after Adam’s fourth birthday, fifteen year old Dean Winchester began dating Lisa Braedon, the beautiful girl that moved to the school and state the previous year from Ohio. John was getting used to seeing Lisa around the house when he got home from work and was genuinely surprised how much his youngest son liked Lisa. Lisa was amazing with Adam, as was Dean, and watching the three of them together was like watching them play house.

 Earlier that year, Adam had lost Kate for good, making four year old Adam officially momless. One of Kate’s roommates had found out why she was there and beat Kate to death the following night. The prison had rejoiced in the news of Kate’s death, people claiming the child molester had it coming. While John wasn’t sad Kate was dead, he wasn’t really happy either. Kate’s death made people talk about the situation all over again and it made Dean’s anxiety act up again. Dean even had his first anxiety attack since beginning high school during a baseball game.

After the anxiety attack, John had tried to calm his son but only succeeded in making him angry and when John over stepped, his son sucker punched him.

“Fucking quit talking about it!” Dean had roared.

While Dean had been calming down in the showers, the coach guiltily informed John that he had brought up what had happened during their group huddle before going out of the field in hopes to make everyone angry and read to play, but all it did was make Dean anxious and angry.

Dean was taken to see his therapist the next day, who told John that the anger Dean was dishing out was also an anxiety symptom and wasn’t uncommon. Everyone was told to firmly drop the subject and Dean was forced to take DBT( a type of behavior therapy) therapy after assaulting his father. After every session Dean would come home and destroy something of his own and John was worrying that Dean was getting worse. The only good thing was that Lisa didn’t seem to care. After the trail, the whole town new who Kate had molested, even Lisa found out, but the girl was too smitten with Dean to care.

Eleven year old Sam Middleton only took honors level classes. Sam was one of the best students his middle school had ever seen, but like all children Sam had his problems. Sam had adjusted to knowing he’s adopted, but he hadn’t stopped giving Gertrude grief for being closer with Celeste and claiming it was because Celeste was her blood child, unlike Sam. Sam’s feelings towards the adoption were messy and mean, angry and hateful, just the way it felt.

Three years passed virtually the same for Sam until one night, it wasn’t the same. Celeste had called to get their parents to pick her up from a sleep over and Sam had been alone for almost an hour when a cop showed up at the door.

“Yeah?” Sam had asked boredly.

The news that his father died at the crime scene and mother was in a vegitablized state hit Sam like a brick. An uncle took them home with him in New Jersey, completely fucking up everything the family had. In Sioux Falls, Dean was getting ready to graduate high school. He had been accepted into a local college where he was going to major in mechanics, but he had one last trick up his sleeve. On prom night, after dancing and having a ball, Dean dropped to one knee and pulled out a velvety ring box.

“Lisa, will you marry me?” Dean asked.


	6. Oh Clarity

At age twenty Dean had been married to his wife and high school sweet heart, Lisa, for a year and a half. Lisa, a yoga instructor, was pregnant with their first child and Dean was still working on his degree. Adam, at age nine, didn’t like Lisa too much. Adam thought Lisa took his big brother away from him and it made the young child jealous.

Privately, John believed that Lisa and Dean were too young to become parents. Twenty was too young to take on the responsibility of a child. Lisa handled the stress of work and pregnancy well and Dean was doing great in college, but the new baby would put a dent in their financial stability, something that wasn’t that strong to begin with seeing as most of their income came from Lisa’s yoga classes. Dean had a part time job working as a bouncer for a club, but balancing work and school wasn’t easy. John had wanted to advice Lisa and Dean to abort the baby, that they could always try again when they were in a more stable point in their lives; but he knew that it would only cause a rift between him and his oldest son.

In New Jersey, sixteen year old Sam was thriving in school. School was the only place Sam felt like himself since the accident, because at school he could bury his angst under homework and books. Celeste, however, wasn’t able to find anywhere she felt herself. Sam was aware his sister blamed herself for what happened to their parents, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t talk any sense into her. Celeste started getting into hacking, something way too illegal for Celeste, or so Sam would say if anyone asked him. Their uncle, Uncle Matthew, tried their best to take over as a father figure, but both of the teenagers had been too set in their ways to bend to it.

As if Sam didn’t have enough on his plate, Sam was struggling with his sexuality. Sam had never thought about anybody in a sexual manner before they moved to Jersey, but then he met William Jenkins and Sam got his first ever crush and Sam may as well have danced his way into hell. Sam’s heart broke when he found out William was straight after a month of crushing.

Things continued to progress for everyone and before Dean knew it, he was holding his son in his arms for the first time. After twelve hours of labor, Ben Winchester was born.

“Oh Dean, he’s beautiful.” Lisa sighed, cradling Ben in her arms.

“He’s amazing.” Dean breathed, gently stroking his son’s hair.

Ben was born six and a half pounds with a head full of brown hair. He came out of the womb kicking and screaming, making his parents cry in happiness. As the new parents stared down at their new born son, Adam and John made their way into the room.

“Hey, we heard he’s healthy, congratulations.” John greeted the new parents.

“Yeah, his name is Ben.” Dean said, gently taking Ben from Lisa and moving to show his son to his brother and father.

Ben opened his big eyes to show he got Lisa’s eyes, brown. John smiled down at his grandson, there was no denying the kid was beautiful, he looked almost exactly like Dean at that age. Adam thought that baby Ben was cute too, but he didn’t really know what to say besides, what he did say.

“He’s so small.” Adam blurted out.

“Yeah, that he is.” Dean chuckled.

“Don’t worry, Adam, he’ll get bigger.” Lisa said from the bed with a smile.

“She ain’t lyin’, Buddy. Would you believe you were that big when you were born?” John teased his youngest.

Adam raised a suspicious eyebrow but otherwise stayed silent. John and Adam stayed at the hospital for about an hour before Lisa fell asleep and Dean told them to go home.

“You sure Dean?” Adam asked his big brother.

“Yeah, go on and get some sleep. It’s pretty late.” Dean shrugged.

“You want us to give you a ride? You can always come back in the morning.” John suggested.

Dean looked over at Ben who was sound asleep in his little cot and smiled.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’m good here.” Dean told his family.

After hugs and final congratulations, Adam and John Winchester went home. Dean sat on the chair next to the cot that held sleeping Ben and got comfy before drifting to sleep.

Two years passed before anything interesting happened again.

On September 11th 2001, Dean was horrified by the actions that led to planes killing innocent people. Dean, having finished his mechanic degree, felt helpless and wanted desperately to make a difference. After having shared his frustrations with his father, John made a suggestion.

“It looks like we’re headed for a war with the terrorists behind this Dean. If you want, you can join the military.” John had told his boy.

John didn’t think Dean would take it seriously, but that night Dean told Lisa he wanted to join the military and make a difference with what was going on with terrorist attacks.

“Dean, we have a two year old! What happens to Ben and I if you die?!” Lisa demanded angrily.

“You’d be left with my insurance money and you’d be given my purple heart. I know it’s not ideal, but I felt so helpless before I thought of the military. So many people lost their loved ones and I want to make a difference, Lisa. I don’t want something like this to ever happen again in Ben’s life time.” Dean told his wife.

With the mention of their son, Lisa knew she could no longer slam the idea. She too had been terrified by the attacks in New York and wanted something done and if Dean truly felt this strongly about the military, she wasn’t going to hold him back.

“Just-just promise you’ll come home.” Lisa whispered.

The following morning, Dean met with a recruiter.

In Jersey, Celeste Middleton had changed her name to Charlie Bradbury after breaking a few laws. Sam too changed his last name to Bradbury, but was now in California where he was starting his first year as a pre-med student at Stanford. The news of 9/11 made Sam think about looking into the psychology based part of medicine once he heard about what was really happening. Everyone knew a war would break out over this and Sam knew that meant thousands of veterans would be coming home in around four years with extreme PTSD.

From then on, nothing was the same.


	7. Down The Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Success and Failure

Dean Winchester served in the US Marines from 2001-2009 and in that time many things in Dean’s life changed. The first big change happened in 2004, after three years of service, Dean came home from the front lines, he wanted to surprise his family so he didn’t tell anyone he was coming home. He walked into his own home to find Lisa half naked with a strange man he didn’t know in his own bed.

Dean could remember that incident like it was yesterday, he walked into the house, basking in the comforts of home, when he heard noise coming from upstairs. He figured Ben was playing and went up the stairs in hopes of seeing his son, but instead, the door to the bedroom he shared with his wife was wide open and Lisa was in plain sight, topless.

“Oh, Trevor, you’re so good with your hands.” Lisa moaned.

In shock and anger, Dean barreled through the door, feeling as if steam could come through his ears.

“ **WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE**?!” Dean demanded.

Lisa and the completely naked man yelped and tried to cover themselves, but Dean couldn’t care less about their modesty.

“Answer me, Lisa! **WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING**?!” Dean snarled.

“De-Dean, this isn’t what it looks like!” She tried to lie.

“Oh, so you aren’t cheating on me while you think I’m in another fucking country, fighting as a marine?” Dean deadpanned.

“Lis, who is this guy?” The bone head demanded.

“I’m her husband, who the fuck are you?” Dean snapped, glaring at the guy.

The guy seemed taken back. “Bro, she said nothing about being married.”

“Then where do you think the kid came from? God?” Dean snarled.

“Dean, that’s enough, I didn’t tell him I was married.” Lisa defended him.

“Where’s Ben?” Dean demanded.

“He’s at a friend’s house.” Lisa said quickly.

“Oh, you sent our son away so you could fuck in our bed, in our house?” Dean was just being hateful now.

“Don’t do this Dean. You couldn’t possibly think that I’d really be able to stay celibate while you were away, could you?” Lisa sighed.

“Yeah, I fucking did. I stayed celibate and I had a hell of a better reason to need to blow off steam.” Dean spat.

Lisa looked everywhere but at Dean’s face as the other man got dressed and made a break for it.

“How could you fucking do this to me?” Dean demanded.

“You left, Dean! I got so lonely without you and it’s hard raising a kid by yourself!” Lisa defended herself, poorly.

“You think I didn’t miss you like hell? You think I didn’t want to come home to my ‘loving’ wife and kid?” Dean demanded. “I miss you guys so much when I’m gone, and being out there is hell, but I do it because I want this world to be better for Ben. I thought you understood that.”

“We can work this out. Just-just don’t sign up for another four years, come home. We can be a family again.” Lisa begged.

Dean glared at his wife, so much anger in his eyes.

“I can’t believe you.” Dean whispered.

Before Dean went back, he signed separation papers and moved all his things to his dad’s house.

Sam wrapped up his bachelor’s degree in 2005 and was quickly admitted to Stanford’s Med School. Even though Sam landed a spot at Cornell, Sam decided to stay at Stanford because he already was a member of the school’s Gay Straight Alliance and had friends that were coming back for higher education as well. Sam was planning to be a psychiatrist and was happy to see that his sister, Charlie, was starting to get her life together.

For the next four years, Sam worked hard in med school to get his degree; Sam graduated fourth in his class and got a job right away at Cicero Mental Hospital and got a starting position doing assessments on people brought in.

In 2009 Dean left the Marines, fully divorced from Lisa and with a job waiting for him at a garage in Cicero, Indiana. Moving to Indiana had happened while Dean was away in 2006; John had bought a house there once he learned Lisa moved Ben and herself there without talking to Dean. Once the divorce happened, things got bad for Lisa back home. People found out she cheated on Dean while he wasn’t even in the same continent as her and Ben wanted to be with his dad more than his mom. The move made things even more complicated for young Ben and he had a meltdown in 2007 when Lisa brought a man home and told Ben that he was his new dad.

Ben had a complete break down with screaming, crying and violence. In the end, the man found out that her ex-husband was a Marine and that Lisa had cheated while said ex was away and promptly told her he did not sign up to be with a woman who cheats on her husband and then replace that man. Dean, himself, had dabbled in dating when he had time off, but nothing had really done well. No one wanted to date someone who was in another country for most of the year and the guys he went on dates with had problems with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, which Dean understood.

Dean had known he was bisexual since high school, but had never dated a man until he was in his twenties; but no matter the gender, Dean couldn’t find a partner.

In 2008, Dean decided he couldn’t do another four years in the Marines and felt the Marines in 2009. He came home to the house John had bought for him in Cicero so he could be close to Ben and started seeing Adam more often. Adam had just turned eighteen and was excited to have his big brother in the same country as him for more than a few times a year. Ben, at age nine, was ecstatic to have his father back in his life.

Dean’s job was pretty stable and his life was on track, he was doing good, well, until April 12th of 2010. Dean was driving Ben home from school when a plastic bag flew out from in front of the car and Dean did not see the plastic bag for what it was. In a second, his brain was thrown back to war, and he thought he saw a bomb rolling his way; in panic, Dean jerked his car away from the plastic bag and went straight into another car.

Much to Dean’s relief, Ben came out of the accident unharmed, but Dean broke three ribs and his left arm. The other driver was also unharmed and because they had no passengers, everyone but Dean came out of the accident okay. Originally, the police charged Dean with a DWI, but once tested they realized he did not have any alcohol in him at the time of the accident. His doctor, Doctor Angela Roberts, explained what had happened.

“You mean he had a flashback?” One of the officers, Officer Lynon, asked.

“That’s exactly what happened.” Doctor Roberts nodded.

“Does-does Dean have PTSD?” Lisa asked, her arm wrapped firmly around Ben.

“I believe so ma’am and I’m afraid that I have to be the one to say that this isn’t new, he just had yet to be diagnosed until now.” Doctor Roberts told Lisa.

“What does that mean for Dad?” Ben demanded, looking from the cop to the doctor. “Is he gonna go to jail?”

“No buddy, you’re dad just won’t be driving for a bit.” Officer Lynon said softly.

“I’m going to suggest your dad go to a special doctor, Ben, but your dad should be fine.” Doctor Roberts added.

About an hour after his family left, Dean was sat down by Doctor Roberts and told about Cicero Mental Hospital, how they took good care of their patients and helped them get on their feet. Dean declined the hospital, and two months later, Adam had stopped by Dean’s house to return a DVD he had borrowed and found Dean in the living room, with a gun in his hand and bullet in his skull.

Dean was quickly rushed off to the hospital while it took the police officers no time to confirm it was a suicide attempt. A suicide note was found by Dean’s body and Adam was realized to hear his brother was taken into surgery to remove the bullet.

After three hours, it was confirmed that Dean survived and the next day, he would be transferred to Cicero Mental Hospital.


	8. Differing Of Opinions

Since starting at Cicero Mental Hospital, Sam now works with hospitalized patients and is rather good at it if he does say so himself. He’s dealt with people with all kinds of mental health problems, some violent, some not; he was accustomed to many different kinds of patients. When Sam walked into work, he was in a rather pleasant mood as he sat down with the night shift doctor who was giving him an overview of what he missed.

“This morning a new patient of yours was brought over from Cicero Trauma Center, a guy by the name of Dean Winchester. He tried to kill himself the other day, shot himself in the temple, but he made it through the surgery.” Doctor Martinez informed him.

“Do you have a copy of his file?” Sam asked.

Doctor Martinez handed him the copy for Sam before leaving. Sam opened the file and skimmed through the non-important stuff. Dean had an eleven year old son, an ex-wife, had gotten out of the Marines last year, was in a car accident earlier in the year due to a flashback behind the wheel of a car and had attempted suicide once before as an adolescent.

“Do you want to meet with him now?” A nurse, Ally Thompson, asked Sam kindly.

“No, I think I’ll give him till lunch.” Sam told Ally and went to meet with his other patients.

At lunch time Sam came into Dean’s room with Dean’s lunch tray. Inside was an attractive man with gauze around his head and dark bags under his eyes.

“Hello Dean, I’m Doctor Sam Bradbury and I’ll be your doctor while you’re here with us at Cicero Mental Hospital.” Sam greeted, setting down the tray in front of Dean.

“Dean Winchester.” Dean grunted in greeting, inspecting the food as if he would find poison.

“I’m going to ask you a few questions and I’d like you to answer them honestly, okay.” Sam said softly.

Dean nodded jerkily and began to nibble on the turkey sandwich that was sent up for him. Sam picked up his notepad and sat across from Dean.

“How’s your temple feeling?” Sam asked first, nodding at the bandaged flesh.

“Fine.” Dean responded gruffly.

“Mr. Winchester, do you remember shooting yourself?” Sam asked.

Dean nodded twice but didn’t say anything. Sam asked several other questions about how he felt physically and about medication and formalities before moving on.

“In your file it was you have a son, what’s his name?” Sam asked.

Sam knew he could find the name on the file, but it was one of the quickest ways to get to know patients for who they really are.

“Ben.” Dean muttered, no longer as rude but still untrusting.

“How old is he?” Sam pushed gently.

“Eleven.” Dean grumbled.

“Does he know you’re here?” Sam asked.

Dean sent a death glare in Sam’s direction, letting the younger man know that no, Ben Winchester did not know where his father is. Sam opened his mouth again, ready to ask another question, but was cut off.

“You think you can just walk in here, ask a few questions, being all buddy-buddy and I’ll just spill my life story like some attention starved little kid? Well, I’ve got news for you pal, I want you the fuck out of here. I’m not playing this game just so you can get a hefty pay check.” Dean snarled.

Dean was far from the first patient to get short with Sam. Most patients are ready to bite the head off of their doctor the moment they meet them. Sam knew how to handle all types of patients, but Dean was different in a way that put Sam out of his element: Dean’s last diagnosis was over ten years old. Yes, it was pretty clear that Dean was suffering from some sort of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but he hadn’t evaluated Dean yet. If it were a normal patient, one that had been assessed within the past two years, Sam wouldn’t have reacted the way he did.

“Look, I get you’re not happy to be here but I’m here to do my job and I’ll damn well do it, whether it’s an inconvenience to you or not. You haven’t been assessed in over ten years, I have to do that now and then get working on treatment plan, so I have no patience for your attitude.” Sam growled, glaring firmly at his newest patient.

Dean noticed that Doctor Bradbury had an empty chart that look pretty important with why he was here and without meaning to, Dean felt bad, but quickly shook off the feeling.

“Fuck you! Go away!” Dean snarled. “I didn’t ask to get assigned the biggest prick in the joint.”

Sam decided to give Dean some time to settle, but he’d be damned if he’d let a patient with an attitude put a dent in his amazing reputation as a doctor. Hours later, Sam was getting ready to leave the hospital and head for home when a nurse, Jason Lukrage, came up to him.

“Yo Sam, think you could give us a hand getting the new guy out of his room?” Jason asked.

“What, Dean won’t leave his room?” Sam question skeptically.

Normally, patients were doing all they can to get to go to the rec room. The rec room was just like a living room and it was a patient magnet; it made most of them feel at home, so they liked to stay there.

“Not even an inch, he’s determined to stay in bed all day.” Jason huffed with irritation.

That’s wasn’t a good sign. Dean had tried to kill himself and now he was trying to keep himself as isolated from the hospital staff and other patients as possible. It wasn’t too hard for Sam’s brain to bounce back to former patients who sharpened tooth brushes into shivs to cut themselves, or tried to hang themselves using bed sheets.

“Take away his tooth brush and make sure his sheets and blankets don’t leave the bed. Have his shaving restrictions cut into place and keep a close eye on him tonight. I’ll talk to him in the morning.” Sam ordered.

In the morning, Dean was fucking pissed. He had been physically moved from his room around dinner time and wasn’t allowed to leave the rec room when they played G.I. Joe, because he wasn’t supposed to be alone, apparently. When he asked if he could shave, he was told he hadn’t earned the right yet and when he couldn’t find his toothbrush, a nurse named Kelly informed him that his refusal to leave his room made the doctor believe he could be planning another suicide attempt and they didn’t need another tooth brush being turned into a weapon. When Doctor Bradbury came into the hospital, an orderly named Daniel collect Dean and took him to Doctor Bradbury’s office. Dean made a point of glaring at the doctor as hard as he could.

“Dean, we’re just going to have you answer questions for a psyche testing for now. You can either be cooperative and get this over quick, or you can be uncooperative and spend more time in the hospital then you could have before.” Sam informed Dean.

It was clear to Dean that he was not going to win this one. The doctor has the power to keep Dean here as long as he sees fit and the longer Dean’s an ass, the longer he has to stay. Dean nodded silently and allowed Sam to start asking his questions.


End file.
